LSN Look-In

John Motson: Welcome to LSN Look-In. It's that time of year again Ron, when we cast our eyes down the list of Alliance players and see if we can pick a favourite.

Ron Atkinson: It's like a game of pin-the-tail-on-the-f**king-lazy-thick-donkey, John. There's a lot of worthy winners, but the thing about winners, is there can be only one winner.

John Motson: Indeed, Ron. And in your mind, who deserves the award the most this year?

Ron Atkinson: Well, John, I wouldn't say that GuiltyCol is the best captain in the Alliance, but there are none better. He's taken the game by the horns and gone charging at the matador with his nostrils flaring.

John Motson: Very true, Ron. The whole Alliance competition is balanced in the Faceless Consortium's favour, but we can't overlook performances from the teams that aren't going to win anything.

Ron Atkinson: Well, Hintikka's had a mind-blowing season John. With only 6 games under his belt, he's managed to gleem a sensational 91 points from his opponents. It's a wonder his trousers haven't fallen down.

John Motson: That gives him an average of just over 15 points a game, Ron. Given that his avatar suggests he's actually a red-haired ape, do you think we can put this average down to luck?

Ron Atkinson: You make your own luck John, and hintikka must have been working every hour god sent at the mill in order to manufacture the kind of result we've seen this season. The only downside to this player is the small amount of games he has played - only six. We like to see our champions putting in the games, giving 110% and coming out as winners. Much like Kaleb too. High average, low games. Players of his calibre can't be seen to be taking the easy road for destination MVP.

John Motson: A quick word about Matrix, Ron?

Ron Atkinson: Speed.

John Motson: Very sharp Ron. Matrix seems to have revelled in the 'hole' behind GuiltyCol.

Ron Atkinson: Yes. It was a big hole and it needed filling, John. Not many people can get in behind GuiltyCol...many have tried before and failed.

John Motson: On to worto03, Ron. A great season for him with a massive 99 points, but he let himself down with the single loss he picked up along the way.

Ron Atkison: Definitely, but he's one of those LSN players whose brains are in their head, and if he puts in the hours of training in the park, I predict that next seasons we'll see the same worto03, only different.

John Motson: So before we announce the winner of 'sdellboy's MVP Award', a quick word from our sponsers

(happy dancey music. On plain white set walks Jordan, Angelina Jolie and Rachel Stevens)

Jordan: Hi, we're here to tell you about a great new product called 'sdellboy'.

Angelina: 'sdellboy' is a miracle breakthrough for women, a product that will revolutionise the way we think about and treat our bodies.

Rachel: I've been trying 'sdellboy' for three weeks now and it has brought me nothing but pleasure. My skin feels softer, my hair lighter and I just simply look forward to waking in the morning, knowing 'sdellboy' is waiting for me.

Jorden: If you've tried other similar products, such as 'Redeem', 'Disaster Area' and 'Lego Pirate', and been continually disappointed by their results, then all you need to do is simply try a sample pack of 'sdellboy'.

Angelina: 'sdellboy' is available in all major supermarkets, in a variety of sizes: very big, huge, massive and eye-watering. It's very reasonably priced and you'll be able to afford to try out 'sdellboy' time and time again.

Rachel: We can recommend 'sdellboy' to all women. You're life will change overnight as soon as you get a big sample of 'sdellboy' home.

All girls: 'sdellboy'. It's great.

(more happy music. 'sdellboy' logo to fade.)

John Motson: Welcome back to tonight's LSN Look-In. I fear we may have over-looked a player this evening, Ron.

Ron Atkinson: Definitely, Overseer is someone that no-one should ignore. 94 points from 8 games is a good result in anyone's book. Next season he needs to be brave, John. And when I mean brave, I mean brave in the mental sense. I've got a gut feeling in my stomach that Overseer is someone we might just see being handed the MVP award in the future.

John Motson: Very probably, Ron. But on to the winner of the 'sdellboy NCP award'. This is a player that, in terms of the Richter scale, blew through the Alliance like a force ten gale.

Ron Atkinson: It's been a pleasure to watch this lad in action, John. He's played a blinder, got up in the box and in the end, has come away with the result that he wanted. I never doubted his talent. I made a prediction at the beginning of the season that the Alliance Divison Two would be a breeding ground of incest and debauchry, and Disaster Area aside, they've proved me wrong.

John Motson: Yes, it is unusal for a Divison Two player to win this award, especially an 8-bit player, but his performance this season has been outstanding, and with 144 points this season, and a leading average of 16 points per game, the award this season goes to...Nimotch....erm....Namomatch....Nizomitch. Mitch.

Last Months LSN Lookin